Hello Lurch,

I have started a stand-up comedy open mic at the Yippie Museum (9 Bleecker Street) across from the tombstone for CBGB’s. New York City open mics 10, 20, 30 years ago were actually interesting to watch and I believe that can become something special again.

I have a pipe dream.

Show starts at 7 and runs until 9. There’s usually another show after Venzday Adams if you’re looking to make a night out of it. The Yippie Museum is a coffee shop however so they do not serve alcohol and they close at 11.

Other Comedy For Uplifting Gormandizers

Dying is Easy,
Venzday

Ed Sullivan On Acid at Freddy’s Backroom, the longest running stand-up comedy show in Brooklyn has been on the verge of being shut down most of its run. What is threatening Freddy’s is the Brooklyn famed Atlantic Yards construction. And Freddy’s, a perfect Prospect Heights bar with creative graffiti all over the bathroom (above the hand dryer are dozens of suspected shooters of JFK) stands right in the way.

One thing that makes Freddy’s the perfect spot for a comedy show is the patrons. Freddy’s, being a drinker’s dream local bar, gets some fun characters that are always looking for a big laugh. Guys come to Freddy’s for a drink, stay for Ed Sullvian on Acid and then spend the night drinking with the comedian’s on the show. After two cans of PBR the regulars often prove to be just as funny as many comic’s they see and are told to get on stage sometime. But they’re just there for a good laugh.

Every other Monday night Bostonian comedian Pat O’Shea hosts a series of local New York comedians in the bar’s back space since 2004. Even then they expected the bar to be closed by the city within the year. There have been articles about the bar in the New York Times, NY Post and New Yorker magazine. They hang on the wall in the back room like a patriotic flag. There have been protests in and outside a bar; protests where protests should be, the bar.

Pat himself is a comedy foot soldier. He began performing stand-up in Boston where he was quickly welcomed with open arms. In 2009 Pat released his first comedy album Not Friendly. During the day Pat writes jokes for iPhone application iLarious.

On Thursday, January 21, The Office aired its worst episode ever. The “all new episode” was a clip show.

I had thought of about twenty different ways to start this post, but whatever. It doesn’t matter. Here’s the truth – Thursday’s The Office was terrible. And I think it’s a tell-tale sign of the decline of a great TV show.

The episode, structured around the thin plot of a consultant (well played by Flight of the Conchords’ David Cosgtabile) interviewing Toby about the company, was totally unnecessary and actually angering. TV needs to, and should have already, figure out that Clip Shows are irrelevant in the internet age. But more on that later.

Six seasons may just be too much for this (once?) great show. Feel free to compare the runs of the American Office to the British original, which purposefully limited itself to just two season. But I don’t know if it’s appropriate. The Office was a success in the United States, and kept getting better as we got more invested in Jim and Pam’s relationship. But in a few years, when we can buy the completed series on DVD, it might become apparent that the show peaked around season 4.

Clip shows are the mark of a dying series. It takes just about no writing, costs nothing and are usually sappy and lame (side note: Saved by the Bell had a least four different clip shows). But The Office on Thursday seemed particularly bad. Here’s why:

Clip shows are exceedingly pointless in a world with perpetually available internet, On Demand television and cable syndication. Clip shows just don’t make sense anymore. With the internet, I can watch The Office, or really any show past or present, whenever I want. I can watch whole episodes and then find clips I like and then clips related to those first clips. There are dozens of free site I can watch The Office, including NBC.com,  Hulu and iTunes, and I can watch clips on Youtube. Imdb has 247 The Office videos available. All these sites even have clips you can see only on the internet. If I wanted to watch a clip show of the The Office, I’d just make my own.

And if I don’t feel like watch a show on my computer, not a problem. My TV automatically records every new episode of The Office and used to record the show even when reruns aired. Again, I can watch anytime I want to. But even in a time when TV shows are literally at my finger tips, a clip show is extra annoying for a show like The Office.  The series is only half way through it’s sixth season, but already I’ve seen each episode probably an average of three times, certain episodes maybe even a dozen. There are Office reruns on every day. It plays on three different channels – NBC, TBS and FOX. It’s on hours a day. Once I looked at my guide and saw it was on for eight hours one Tuesday. Check out this week’s air schedule. That’s a lot of episodes. Sometimes, the exact same episode is on two different channels at once.

I’m honestly sick of rewatching old clips of The Office. It’s a truly great show, I just see it too often.   So every Thursday (actually usually Friday after work, when I watch my DVR recording) I get really excited to see a new episode. So if you’re going to show a clip show, I better have some warning. And I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.

“I felt insulted,” said Ryan Morris, The Office expert and devotee. “If I wanted to see clips from the ‘A Benihana Christmas’ episode again I would just turn on TBS or one of the other 3 networks that airs reruns 24 hours a day.”

Maybe the real problem is that The Office is winding down; and that’s hard to take. The shows isn’t as good as it used to be. A big reason for that, I think, is that the tension, the dramtics, surrounding Jim and Pam is over. It was great watching Jim’s painful love of Pam and their hilarious flirting. But now things are fine between them. They’re married and happy. The show’s root has been, well, uprooted. Carell is still funny, but the show has eliminated a lot of the really awkward jokes and caustic edge it used to have. Michael is still funny, but he rarely makes you cringe like he used to. Also, Jim’s a boss. I don’t know about anyone else, but I liked Jim a lot more when he was a prank playing slacker.

The Office had a great run. I’ll still turn it on a rerun while I make dinner, letting Dwight lecture over the sound of banging pots. But last Thursday’s episode was a loud signal that the show is coming down from its peak. Maybe the US version should take a cue from its English parent.

A while back, Alex and I were approached by TV producers to be contestants on a new reality show called “Write or Wrong.” We agreed and started filming the pilot episode. “Write or Wrong” was an occupational competition show, like Top Chef or Project Runway, where writers compete to see who’s the best. So, Alex and I moved into a house full of other up and coming writers. The network filmed for one day before completely abandoning the project. If you thought those “Real World” people drank too much and had trouble getting along, you can’t imagine what an apartment full of writers and endless booze will lead to.

The show, of course, was never aired, so Alex and I asked for the footage and spent 6 hours in a computer lab in Worcester editing the discarded footage into a five minute promo. Here’s “Write or Wrong”

This weekend my gal and I went to Concord, Massachusetts to visit family and friends and dress up all nice to drink cocktails on Saturday night. While we were in Concord we walked across the Old North Bridge, the central battleground for the first day of battle in the American Revolution. There may have been tea thrown in Boston, but there was blood spilled in Concord. Boy howdy.

One of the reasons was that there were huge munitions stations in Concord so the British were trying to get at the heart of the matter of these militias. I’m told this, but I wasn’t actually there.

We crossed the bridge and walked around the hill for about an hour. It was a beautiful day and as Bono says, we didn’t let it get away. It’s so picturesque there; I can understand what the colonists loved about it. They must have thought this bridge would be there forever. And it has in a way, but in another way it’s been built and rebuilt five times.

Saturday, as a surprise event, Dan, Julie and many other Concordians and/or former Concordians went canoeing six miles down the Concord River. Some people were in tubes for they are not righteous enough for a canoe. It was a great weekend to spend in Concord and traveling under the Old North Bridge made me think of those ninety-five red coats coming to fight a group of farmers. They were probably laughing, chilling out, relaxing all cool and then a bunch of colonials started to appear. At one time they were their fellow countrymen, but God dammit they’d been taxed too much! Take that and that! And that and that and that!

The coated men of red were in a deeper red now. Deep in blood. Deep in debt of loss of men. Deep in red sunlight as the sun set over the meadow. I assume the battle ended at sunset.

It is a beautiful bridge and if you’re ever in Concord for more than two hours I recommend going. Although I don’t recommend being in Concord for too much longer than thirty minutes. Daniel Davis Tovrov and I had to; we grew up there.

Have you ever been to Vegas? How’d you do? When you get back from Vegas they always ask “how’d you do?” I was there three days and broke even. Never played. Let it be known, I despise Vegas.

Vegas is the worst city in the country. It’s not the worst city in the world, because no one there is starving. There’s enough buffet to keep everyone alive. I’ll give it that much credit.

They say, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Well, there’s no clocks, no windows and no way out. Las Vegas would be the perfect place for a Kurt Russell movie. Escape From Las Vegas.

The casinos there are all terrible and they’re all the same. Whether you’re at the MGM Grand or Circus Circus. They’re all the same. Everything in a casino looks like it’s from 1975. That’s why old people like to go there; it makes them feel young again. And these people walking around them, constantly juggling between their bucket of quarters, their cigarette and their Bud Light. If you haven’t noticed it’s impossible to sit on one of the stools at a slot machine and not look like a fat American.

You think you’re going to see poker, blackjack, craps, but a casino is only maze after maze of slot machines. There might be a poker table somewhere being played on by four millionaires and Ben Affleck, but we commoners are even allowed in there.

And they play these slot machines. The slots. Why would anyone ever play a slot machine? It’s not a deck of cards, it’s a machine. They have no idea what’s going on in there. Did they build the machine? No, that’s why they’re playing them. I’ll tell you what a slot machine does: you put money in it, it lights up, that’s it. It’s a lamp. They’re putting money into a lamp and expecting it to give them money back. Even the lab rat stops pushing the button when the scientist stops giving it food.

Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Good; keep it contained. Quarantine it. I don’t want it bleeding into the rest of the world.

What’s really sad is that Vegas is gambling with all this glitz and glamor, but what you forget is the rest of Nevada also has legalized gambling. So in every nowhere Nevada town there’s eight casinos. Except they’re not just casinos; it’s all the buildings a town would normally have plus a casino. I was about to step into a gas station and casino when I saw the ugliest woman I had ever seen step out of the casino part and walk straight out the door to her car. I stopped dead in my tracks. Then the craziest man I had ever seen walked by her, checked her out, then without taking his eyes off her walked right into the casino. It was a very “thank God I’m not them” moment.

There was an article written about our show in The Concord Journal. Please check it out. It’s rather well written.

Friday night we’ll be transcending New York City and hosting Transcendentalist Television in Brighton, Massachusetts. It’s our first show in the Greater City of Boston and were are wicked fecking excited about it, dude! All of that was said in a Boston accent. The last sentence was not. I don’t know what accent I’m saying this sentence in; probably Turkish.

Here’s the info:

Friday June 5th
9 PM
Brighton, Massachusetts
Castlebar (575 Washington Ave.)
$5

Dan Tovrov and The Band (Full house band!)
Make Me A Movie with Daniel M. Solomon!
Cacophony of Transcendence
Comedian Jenny Zigrino!

and so much more!

It’s gonna be a great time. $7 Amber Bock Pitchers too. That is not to be beaten. I pay like $13 for a Miller Lite pitcher. Well, I don’t pay it, but that’s what they charge for it and that is why I am forced to steal their beer. It’s the businesses that make me do it!

See you Friday!

Hey people or AIMbots,

I’m in Santa Fe, New Mexico right now visiting family, but I just got back from New Orleans, Louisiana visiting a girl. She’s doing well. I’ve been to New Orleans before and I’ve seen it all: Mardi Gras, Bourbon Street, that guy that goes to open mics as The Wizard. But nothing really says New Orleans than a bonafide crawfish boil.

A lot of places claim to be not just a place, but a lifestyle. Fuck, that’s even the tagline to the movie Orange County, but that phrase doesn’t really apply anywhere besides NOLA. In New Orleans there’s only so many rules: the food’s great, the people are friendly and you could be shot at any moment. A crawfish boil combines all three.

Here’s what they do (I think). They take 1,000 Maine lobsters, buy a shrink ray, shrink all the lobsters down, throw them in the Gulf of Mexico, scoop them up, put ‘em in a sack, race and fight them against each other, boil them with potatoes, corn, celery, carrots, spices, etc. and then crack those thangs open, baby!

The way you open ‘em up is with yo’ phalanges. You turn the head so it breaks apart from the tail, then crack the tail on the side. Try and tear off one of the rungs on the crawfish tail for easy access. Give another crack on the side, grab the end and pull the meat out of it. Suck the head, rinse, repeat.

You get very little meat, but do that a few dozen times and you’ll be full until twenty minutes later when you have to dive into more. I went to three crawfish boils in a row. They were all wonderful. I have to give the Ashtons the gold metal though. Thank you!

Oh! Sucking the heads; I almost forgot. All that spice goes into the corn and the potatoes and the head so if you suck the head of the crawfish you get a special spicy sensation. I recommend. Plus if you eat the crawfish brain you get all its powers!

That’s right!

The People’s Improve Theater has asked us to do another show, and we have graciously accepted.

The show’s on Saturday, May 9th at 11pm. Directions to the PIT can be found here.

We have written a brand new episode, packed with great guests. Show three features:

Molly Knefel
Zachary Sims
Comedian Brent James Sullivan
Guitarist Jon Clarke

Who knows, maybe even the Hipster Grifter will show up.

Tickets are only $10, and are for sale at the door or online from Brown Paper Tickets. Use this link, or click the little box on the right side of the main page. It’s a sweet image made by Zeke Shore, and clicking on it will let him know you appreciate him.

It’s mother’s day weekend, so bring your mom, she’ll love it! She couldn’t have asked for a better present.

Come watch Transcendentalist Television. Make something of your entire life.

(I’m not a graphic designer. Usually, that’s Zeke’s job.)

Transcendentalist Television
Saturday, May 9th
11pm (run time: about an hour)
Live at The PIT
154 W 29th St # 2
New York, NY 10001
(212) 563-7488