Monday.

Julie said she wanted to get Matt and I some real New Orleans food instead of what we thought was real New Orleans food and turned out to just be Popeye’s. Although I have been told by multiple sources that Popeye’s is in fact better in New Orleans. Maybe Zattaran’s is too. So we went to Mandina’s and I was jonesing for gumbo. I got a bowl of it, which was a meal itself! Boy howdy. I also got a roast beef po’boy and found out the original po’boy was french fries between to be pieces of french bread. Wikipedia doesn’t have that story up, but maybe the fat guy wearing twenty-seven beads is right.

We went back and rested up. This is very important. Matt and I were flying out on Fat Tuesday very early in the morning. I was planning on getting in a half night of sleep before having to head to the airport and Matt was most likely go from partying to the airport. It is, after all, Mardi Gras.

Julie, Sarah, Matt and I went downtown, drank, watched the parade and began to despise everyone around us. A couple fun costumes and hats being worn out there, which is nice to see. Lundi Gras on Monday is when a lot of people get dressed up for the parades on Fat Tuesday. We were getting no bead love for almost an hour, but started to make up for it by the end. A bunch of the floats had very B List actors. Jim Belushi, Joan Rivers, some guy from American Idol, the cast of Reno 911. Matt grabbed two beads from Lt. Dangel. We wanted to stay for Harry Conick Jr., but ended up not even bothering. Sorry Harry!

We walked down to Bourbon Street just to see what it was like. It was crazy. Obviously. Kind of annoying. More protesters than I thought. On the way there Julie went to the bathroom in a strip club she didn’t realize was a strip club until I told her after and Matt went to piss on the street and then about a trip of 80 13 year olds walked by that never seemed to end. We walked around the French Quarter for about 45 minutes talking with strangers, watching hilarious people, singing “Amazing Grace” and checking out anything weird. Julie and Sarah danced “Get it Ready, Ready” with some kids that were from 40 minutes outside the city.

Then we went to some bars on Frenchman Street. Frenchman is officially my favorite place to go in New Orleans. Great live music, great big bars, lots of people. If Bourbon Street is Times Square then Frenchman is Bedford Ave. or MacDougal Street although it seems like an unfair arguement. Truthfully I kind of like the feel of Frenchman more than Bedford or MacDougal. R Bar was fun, but packed. Sarah and Matt had been playing these great characters for over an hour. Sarah was a hick and Matt was a real Jersey goomba. Basically both playing a combination of some of their relatives. Either way they were both on and kept me blissfully entertained. It was like watching a FOX sitcom from the early nineties.

The night ended watchin live music and running into Erin Patton and her friends at dba. Let me say I’m a fan. We danced and I tried Andygater, which I tried to be generous with. I don’t know if it’s still being generous if I’m trying, but I spread some love and good cheer.

All in all I’d say that Mardi Gras was a complete success this year. If I were New Orleans I’d keep doing them. It’s like the best parade, party and tailgate all rolled into one. It’s simply what everyone is doing that week. Why wouldn’t you be there?

Total Mardi Gras Beadage: 40 +/- I’m proud of this range, but some people were making a killing out there. Walking away with 100 beads a night, easy.

Yesterday we got a little high and grabbed some food at Betsy’s Pancake House. Betsy died a few years ago, but not for her pancake recipe. Foolish murderers not knowing what’s really valuable. The place was packed though, because everyone else seems to know the value of these pancakes. It took forever for anyone to take our order, but we were in no rush so we played Clambake. I got third. It was a travesty. The meal was unbelievable. The coffee was perfect, which right there is the best meal. You could give me two uncooked eggs and a rotten orange to eat, but if the coffee is perfect I’ll tip 20%. My favorite part of the meal was when Matt ordered.

Waitress: Sorry that took so long.
Matt: Well, we have a lot of questions.
(Waitress groans and takes a seat)
Matt: The pecan pancakes-
Waitress: Pe-can? It’s pe-kahn. Y’all ain’t from here, are you?
Erin: We are.
(Points to me and Matt)
Erin: They’re not.
Waitress: Where you from?
Matt: New Jersey. I’m sorry.
Waitress: Don’t be sorry.
Matt: The pecan pancakes, does that have sugar and cinnamon on top?
Waitress: No, there’s cinnamon in the batter.
Matt: Okay. What are Old Fashioned pancakes?
Waitress: It’s a stack of good sized pancakes.
Matt: Okay, I’ll have pigs in a blanket.

He put her through the ringer.

We went uptown to meet up with Zachary Sims, Neal Stastny, the Henehans and some other Mardi Gras enthusiasts. We danced, we ate roasted pig, we drank beer and champagne and we tried to catch beads, somewhat in vain on this night. Although! The first float had none other than Val Kilmer on it throwing doubloons with his face imprinted on it. I made a sweet snag of one so I now have in my possession a purple coin with the real Batman’s face imprinted on it.

The parade was sweet, hearing Cassidy yell into his megaphone is priceless. We all got festively liquored up and Julie and I walked around the parade a bunch, which was cool, but we did miss some sort of throw-your-beads-at-the-kong-family float at the end. I’ll get you next time! KOOOONG!

Abita Amber – 6
Anchor Steam – 1
Whiskey + Coke – 2

I’m not sure how many people were here at Julie and Erin’s last night, but there were two handles of vodka, a handle of Captain Morgan, a handle of whiskey, two other handles of dark rum, a bottle of tequila, two cases of PBR, a case of Abita Amber, a 24 of Miller High Life, a six pack of Anchor Steam, a six pack of Czechvar, a bunch of other beer, a few bottles of wine, five small bottles of champagne and other alcoholic beverages here and there. All that’s left is some margarita mix and mudslides.

Two different people brought feasts of Popeye’s, plus Erin’s family owns a catering business so they brought loads of meatballs, jambalaya and shrimp with pasta. It almost made me cry, but that was just some food leaking out of my eyes.

All the floats were crazy. Three times as big as any float on Friday. The theme had something to do with dreams or dreaming or dreamland or something. Kid Rock was on one of the first floats. That’s right, I saw Kid “Warrior” Rock in person which now qualifies me to live in a trailer and shoot rats with my handgun. Their house is right at the beginning of the parade route and they turn left at the house so all the marching bands perform right in front of the house. Cassidy kept the spirit of Mardi Gras going at all times with his megaphone, everyone and their mother were trying to catch beads and pretty early on I was reaching for some beads and fell off the porch right into a trash can. As I fell Julie’s aunt said a prayer for me. She rolled her eyes every time she saw me after and rightfully so. I did fall into a trash can.

Endymion: The Party was killer. Their theme was White Trash in honor of Kid “Loyalty” Rock. People kept drunkenly complimenting Julie and Erin on their success. I think they even made some cash and no one seemed to puke in a place where they shouldn’t. Although someone made out with someone else’s husband, which ended up with a few college students and comics taking care of a four-year-old we didn’t know the name of. He is very artistic! I gotta say, for a four-year-old he took some interesting photos with Julie’s digital camera. I did try and brainwash him a bit. He kept trying to get on the bed and I wouldn’t let him, saying: “See what I’m doing here? I’m The Man and I’m ‘keeping you down.’ It’s symbolic.” “Y’know who killed JFK? George Bush!” “The government is lying to you!”

I got some awesome beads that have Mardi Gras rubber ducks, but the best beads I think went to Mike. They had foam baseballs on them! BASEBALLS! Matthew Maragno grabbed everything. Kyle, from Seattle, did as well. Those two looked like living Mardi Gras beads, which would’ve been the sweetest beads ever! I would have fought tooth and nail or dove into two trash cans for living beads.