Well, it’s almost over. The decade is about to finish up and people seem to be somewhat indifferent about it. Makes sense since everyone knows the world is ending in two years anyway.

Every year in Times Square, New York City some teenager’s balls drop and everyone gathers around to see. It’s an impressive sight live in the freezing cold, I’m sure, but I’ve always caught the last two minutes of the year on television surrounded by friends and drunkards at a house party. I’m sure most of us usually witness the event live on television watching “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” often hosted by, I’m pretty sure, Dean Martin.

This year (2010 the year of someone’s lord) DCNYRE will be hosted by a slew of stars: Dick Clark, Ryan Seacrest and Fergie. That’s really great for them, because what else can they possibly do? I would only watch the three of them if they were the only people hosting an event that is as unavoidable as time itself.

Jennifer Lopez and Daughtry are going to perform live in Times Square. Out of the 1,000,000 people in attendance I can only think of two people that will be interested in their performances: J-Lo and Daughtry.

American Idol participant Adam Lambert says he was booked, but was bumped for previous televised performances that were too “controversial” (see: gay).

This will also be the first year where there will be taped musical performances from Las Vegas, which is what Fergie will be hosting. Thankfully she will not be singing.

The only worse than watching New Year’s on ABC this year would probably be watching it on MTV. They’ll probably just play a marathon of Jersey Shore anyway.

Happy new year/decade! This is going to be the one!

The NY Observer wrote an article about the girl that sublet my apartment while I was on my road trip across the country. When I got back she moved into our storage closet and then we found out about all her shit right after the Super Bowl and kicked her out.

A couple little details from the Bergen Street part of the story:

-She was late on rent a couple of times and the first time she went to the landlord instead of my roommate on the lease. That caused problems.
-She skipped out on a cab at 4 in the morning and the cabby buzzed every apartment in the building looking for her. She got on the intercom at one point and told him that “no one had ordered a cab.”
-She skipped out on a Thai food bill and the delivery boy came looking for her about five times. We now get a deal there though. Thanks Jimmy!
-One night my phone was dead and I got home at 3 in the morning. She’d called and when I didn’t answer assumed I wasn’t coming home and so I found her and her boyfriend Bobby sleeping in my bed.

She was really nice and fun and all sorts of shit, but she’s crazy. What’re you gonna do? We called the SLCPD and they told us to get rid of her and then we called the NYPD and they were like, “Call us when she kills somebody.” The system (doesn’t) work!

NEW YORK REALITY TV SCHOOL

That’s right! It’s real, and it’s here to work for you.

What is Reality TV School, you ask? Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like. At the school, a veritable Ivy League College for Reality TV knowledge, you learn what it takes to make in the world of unscripted television. With the accomplished staff (many of whom have honorary doctorates from the school), who will be taught how to mold and fabricate your personality so it best fits the budding medium. Not only that, but you might be lucky enough to sit in on guest lectures from such esteemed contestants on shows like:Survivor, The Bachelor, Beauty and the Geek, From G’s to Gents, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, Deal or No Deal, and many more.

But enough from me. Here are real blurbs and quotes, taken from the schools 4 by 4 inch pamphlet, which can be found sitting in coffee shops, taped to telephone poles, and in trashcans all over the city:

“If you ever thought you could be the next reality show superstar if only you had some coaching, then the New York Reality TV School was designed specifically for you.”

“Learn to be a REALITY STAR… The class dishes tips on clicking with casting directors and specializes in all types of exercises to help drop inhibitions, and get emotions rolling… the do’s and dont’s of making it on Reality TV!”

“Reality school teaches you the tricks of the trade. Students learn how to autdition, create an on air persona and parlay 15 minutes into a career.”

“New York Reality School encourages its students to ask, ‘Who am I?’ but if you’ve enrolled, you already know the answer: ‘I’m a star.’”

“… a hyperexcited brew of New Age self-actualization euphorics, personal testimonials, acting techniques – and a few surprises. The moral they convey: In reality TV, as in life, be yourself, to the max, only more so.”

And if that wasn’t enough to convince you, then just take a look at one of their graduates. Jorge Benersky was cast on Animal Planet’s “Groomer Has It” and finished in the top three on season one! He has since been hired as on-air personality and is now “Reality Royalty.”

Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not.

Check out their website to enroll! We all know that a products quality can be judged on the quality of their website (just look at ours) so you know the school is Legit. Too legit to quit! Ha, you get it?