There’s a new late night war going on, but this time it’s in house. But for how long? NBC put too many talk show hosts on their daily schedule and now look at what kind of monster they have created. Seeing as Conan has already stated he will not follow Jay Leno at 12:05 am odds are good he will be heading to Fox or another network. But really who else is going to grab him besides Fox, the CW?

The problem is with NBC executives of course, but the one guy you’ve got to root for is Conan O’Brien. He is the best host NBC has right now, being the second best late night host currently on television. Of course the king right now is David Letterman. I’d root for Conan in a war with him and Letterman. Not against Jon Stewart though if he ever gets a late night talk show. Always root Conan over bear though; always!

But then there’s Jay Leno. Yo, fuck that guy. Jay Leno is beyond redemption. I’ve always heard Jay Leno was funny, but fuck all if I’ve ever seen it on either of his TV shows. His version of Tonight was always too lame to be considered great and his new TV show is boring and long. I guess in the 1980s when he was on the Tonight Show performing and guest hosting he was brilliant, but good luck finding anything documented. Jay Leno never had an hour television special, a CD or a anything.

Jay should’ve recorded a CD a long time ago. J used to be funny, reportedly. Bill Hicks (whose lost Letterman set was aired by the King earlier this year) has a bit dedicated on how Jay Leno has sold out recorded in 1994 off of Rant In E Minor. The bit is called Artistic Roll Call and uses Jay Leno as a prime example of a sell out for Doritos and NBC.

He could’ve lasted in primetime, but the problem is Jay Leno has no more self awareness. Jay Leno is that guy that tells jokes on TV, but no one would ever want to have a conversation with him. The Jay Leno Show should be a half hour and steal the format of The Ed Sullivan Show. Jay Leno hosting the acts of the day. Bill Cosby was known for talking to kids so he ended up with Kids Say The Darnedest Things. This is your Kids Say The Darnedest Things, Leno! NBC, come out this fall with The Ed Sullivan Show hosted by Jay Leno.

I’m with Coco.

Go to Fox, Coco. Put a coonskin cap on that red hair and be a pioneer.

Well, if you have a television you’re well aware of The Jay Leno Show that’ll be airing on NBC five nights a week from 10 to 11 pm. If you don’t know who Jay Leno is and are thinking, “why does this guy have his own show?” Jay Leno was one of the guest hosts for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I’m not aware of what he’s been doing the past seventeen years. Well, I’m aware, but I refuse to recognize it.

J/K. Actually, I like Jay Leno. He is funny. I just think he wasn’t funny at all doing The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. It was middle-of-the-road, middle-America, mid-west, lowest common denominator bullshit. The thing that always killed me was he’d start every show with “Headlines”. Come on. Your main bit after the monologue is a series of typos from newspapers? Why not make fart noises then for ten minutes of the show?

Maybe The Jay Leno Show will be good, but odds are if he’s going an hour earlier he’s going to pander even more. Hopefully not. Hopefully he’ll make it the show he wants and hopefully that show is good. Like a Japanese game show good.

It’ll do fine in the ratings no matter what. Jay Leno had a big following of seniors that Conan hasn’t nabbed. And those old people will tune into TJS. But Conan will get those seniors just when his audience ages a bit more.

What’ll happen when Letterman retires (or dies)? Maybe that position at The Late Show will be taken by Jon Stewart, Jim Gaffigan or Brian Regan. Any of those three would be great replacements and fun “competition” with Conan aka non-competitive competition.

People in Hollywood are not too happy with Jay Leno for putting this cheap show on instead of letting sitcoms or dramas have any primetime slots. It takes jobs away from actors, directors, writers, film crew, caterers, everyone. But Jay Leno’s not selfish; he just needs to be in the spotlight at all times.

NBC even offered him a morning show! Which is annoying, because if Jay Leno hosted a morning show I might actually watch a morning show. He’s old and stale for late night, but for 9 am he’s sharp and edgy. Leno, read that morning’s headlines and make topical jokes about it or something. Don’t be lame. Too late… night.